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6th June 2004

12:44am: It really sucks at my house right now....today, my cleaning lady's daughter came to pick her up and she brought her newborn baby with her and my mom got all upset and was crying the whole day cause if she hadnt lost the baby it would be turning about a month old now, and she also got in a bad mood and was leeting it out on everyone...it really sucks, and i feel really bad because i didnt want my mom to have the baby and i wished she would have a misscarriege and she did so i feel even more horrible.....oh well, all i can say is that i wish i was that baby....im gonna go sleep...ttyl

5th June 2004

9:33am: My Summer Reading List
1. What Happened to Lani Garver by Carol Plum-Ucci
2. Kerosene by Chrs Wooding
3. You Dont Know Me by David Klass
4. Define "Normal" by Julie Anne Peters
5. Pure Sunshine by Brian James
6. Candy: A Novel of Love and Addiction by Luke Davis
7. The A-List:Girls on Film by Zoey Dean
8. Beauty Queen by Linda Glovach
9. Breakfast at Tiffany's:A Novel by Truman Capote
10.Contents Under Pressure by Lara M. Zeises
11.Fault Line by Janet Tashjian
12.Girl, Interupted by Susana Kaysen
13.Halfway Home by Mary Sheldon
14.I Like It Like That:Gossip Girl #5 by Cecily Von
15.Royally Jacked by Niki Burham
16.Shopaholic by Judy Waite
17.The Alphabetical Hookuo List A-J by Phoebe McPhee
18.The Beast by Walter Dean Myers
19.The Devil Wears Prada by Lauren Weisberger
20.The True Meaning of Cleavage by Mariah Fredericks
21.Wasteland by Francesca Lia Block
22.Hunger Point:A Novel by L=Jilian Medoff
23.The Notebook by Nicholas Sparks
24.Summer Boys by Haily Abbot
25.The Boy Next Door by Meg Cabot
26.The Truth About Forever by Sarah Dessen
27.Anthem By Ayn Rand
28.The Da Vinci Code by Dan Brown
29.Sun Kissed by Belinda Ray
30.The Au Pairs by Melissa de La Cruz
31.Perks of Being A Wallflower by Stephen Chbosky
32.Monster by Walter Dean Myers
33.Busted by Emma Harrison
34.Pop Princess by Rachel Cohn
35.Shooter by Walter Dean Myers
36.Anyhthin the was written by Sidney Sheldon and and dont expect me to read all these....this is just a "LIST"

1st June 2004

9:28pm: Hey...My first day of my diest is over!!!! im so proud of myself cause i gave Dana my milky way and my mentos!!!! im also trying to convince her to join the cross country team with me so im wating for her to decide....there isnt much to say other that i better study for my science test cause if i get and f again my mother will kill me!!!! g2g hit the books
9:10pm: Girl Poem
Girl Poem

A poem for us....



I shave my legs,

I sit down to pee.

And I can justify

any shopping spree.



Don't go to a barber,

but a beauty salon.

I can get a massage

without a hard-on.



I can balance the checkbook,

I can pump my own gas.

Can talk to my friends,

about the size of my ass.



My beauty's a masterpiece,

and yes, it takes long.

At least I can admit,

to others when I'm wrong.



I don't drive in circles,

at any cost.

And I don't have a problem,

admitting I'm lost.



I never forget,

an important date.

You just gotta deal with it,

I'm usually late.



I don't watch movies,

with lots of gore.

Don't need instant replay,

to remember the score.



I won't lose my hair,

I don't get jock itch.

And just cause I'm assertive,

Don't call me a bitch.



Don't say to your friends,

Oh yeah, I can get her.

In your dreams, my dear,

I can do better!



Flowers are okay,

But jewelry's best.

Look at me you idiot...

Not at my chest????



I don't have a problem,

With Expressing my feelings.

I know when you're lying,

You look at the ceiling.



DON'T call me a GIRL ,

a BABE or a CHICK .



I am a WOMAN.



Get it?, you DICK!?!
3:54pm: Inspirational quotes
"Women are like apples on trees.
The best are at the top.
Most men dont want to reach for the good ones because they are afraid of falling and getting hurt.
Instead they just get the rotten apples from the ground that arent as good but are quite easy...
so the apples at the top think something is wrong with them, when in reality they are fucking amazing.
They just have to wait for the right man to come along.
The one who is brave enough to climb all the way to the top of the tree."

"The harder the conflict the more glorious the triumph" Thomas Paine.

"Wear sunscreen.

If I could offer you only one tip for the future, sunscreen would be it. The long-term benefits of sunscreen have been proved by scientists, whereas the rest of my advice has no basis more reliable than my own meandering experience. I will dispense this advice now.

Enjoy the power and beauty of your youth. Oh, never mind. You will not understand the power and beauty of your youth until they've faded. But trust me, in 20 years, you'll look back at photos of yourself and recall in a way you can't grasp now how much possibility lay before you and how fabulous you really looked. You are not as fat as you imagine.

Don't worry about the future. Or worry, but know that worrying is as effective as trying to solve an algebra equation by chewing bubble gum. The real troubles in your life are apt to be things that never crossed your worried mind, the kind that blindside you at 4 p.m. on some idle Tuesday.

Do one thing every day that scares you.

Sing.

Don't be reckless with other people's hearts. Don't put up with people who are reckless with yours.

Floss.

Don't waste your time on jealousy. Sometimes you're ahead, sometimes you're behind. The race is long and, in the end, it's only with yourself.

Remember compliments you receive. Forget the insults. If you succeed in doing this, tell me how.

Keep your old love letters. Throw away your old bank statements.

Stretch.

Don't feel guilty if you don't know what you want to do with your life. The most interesting people I know didn't know at 22 what they wanted to do with their lives. Some of the most interesting 40-year-olds I know still don't.

Get plenty of calcium. Be kind to your knees. You'll miss them when they're gone.

Maybe you'll marry, maybe you won't. Maybe you'll have children, maybe you won't. Maybe you'll divorce at 40, maybe you'll dance the funky chicken on your 75th wedding anniversary. Whatever you do, don't congratulate yourself too much, or berate yourself either. Your choices are half chance. So are everybody else's.

Enjoy your body. Use it every way you can. Don't be afraid of it or of what other people think of it. It's the greatest instrument you'll ever own.

Dance, even if you have nowhere to do it but your living room.

Read the directions, even if you don't follow them.

Do not read beauty magazines. They will only make you feel ugly.

Get to know your parents. You never know when they'll be gone for good. Be nice to your siblings. They're your best link to your past and the people most likely to stick with you in the future.

Understand that friends come and go, but with a precious few you should hold on. Work hard to bridge the gaps in geography and lifestyle, because the older you get, the more you need the people who knew you when you were young.

Live in New York City once, but leave before it makes you hard. Live in Northern California once, but leave before it makes you soft. Travel.

Accept certain inalienable truths: Prices will rise. Politicians will philander. You, too, will get old. And when you do, you'll fantasize that when you were young, prices were reasonable, politicians were noble and children respected their elders.

Respect your elders.

Don't expect anyone else to support you. Maybe you have a trust fund. Maybe you'll have a wealthy spouse. But you never know when either one might run out.

Don't mess too much with your hair or by the time you're 40 it will look 85.

Be careful whose advice you buy, but be patient with those who supply it. Advice is a form of nostalgia. Dispensing it is a way of fishing the past from the disposal, wiping it off, painting over the ugly parts and recycling it for more than it's worth.

But trust me on the sunscreen."
-Mary Schmich



Not so inspirational....
"Its weird how you put on a certain outfit and you think it looks really good, so you go around feeling kind of cute. and then someone says something, like that you look pregnant, and you realize you dont look good. You never looked good. You look like a big fat slob and you were the only one stupid enough to think you looked good."
-Life in the Fat Lane
3:34pm: Hey...today wasnt as bad as i thought w/ the whole Ed issue...he was really nice(duh...thats y i like him in the first place. We all also got into a fight w/ Talys but im not gonna waste my energy on that.....I caught a cold so im feeling miserable but its also helping me on my new diet cause if i have a cold i dont have an appetite...yey for me...whatever...the year i almost ver(5 ore days of actual learning) and even though the first year of high isnt helping to make the statement that high school is the best time of ur life true i still got something that i have been taking for granted....something that is better then anything i could have hoped for, even my 4.5 GPA(Dana u know that this means a lot then....lol)and im talking about my BFF DANA....Dana, never in my life have i had a friend like u....and u know what makes our friendship so awsome? we rcompletely different people but we share the same feelings and i think that is the best combinationg....we have fun we talk, we help each other and we have more fun....I COULDNT HAVE ASKED FOR ANYTHING ELSE TO HAVE DURING MY HIGH SCHOOL YEARS, even though a boyfriend would be nice....lol...I love u a lot!!!!

31st May 2004

8:58am: kiss my ass2
congratulations. you are the kiss my ass happy
bunny. You don't care about anyone or anything.
You must be so proud


which happy bunny are you?
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asshole
your asshole.


What swear word are you?
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Info Black
Your Heart is Black


What Color is Your Heart?
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You are going to Marry Josh Hartnett. He is really
shy, but don't let that fool you. He is really
outgoing and sweet with those he loves and will
be loyal to them for the rest of his life.
Congrats!!


Which male celebrity are you going to marry? (14 choices now!!)
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Athena
Athena


?? Which Of The Greek Gods Are You ??
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My inner child is sixteen years old today

My inner child is sixteen years old!


Life's not fair! It's never been fair, but while
adults might just accept that, I know
something's gotta change. And it's gonna
change, just as soon as I become an adult and
get some power of my own.


How Old is Your Inner Child?
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You're Perfect ^^
-Perfect- You're the perfect girlfriend. Which
means you're rare or that you cheated :P You're
the kind of chick that can hang out with your
boyfriend's friends and be silly. You don't
care about presents or about going to fancy
placed. Hell, just hang out. You're just happy
being around your boyfriend.


What Kind of Girlfriend Are You?
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cuddle and a kiss
cuddle and a kiss on the forehead - you like to be
close to your special someone and feel warm,
comfortable, and needed


What Sign of Affection Are You?
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Alone
Lonliness dominates you. You can hide it well, but
its there, and your friends can see it. You
constantly feel alone, and need to do things to
fill your time. Your afraid to tell people
this, but sooner or later it gets out in a bad
way, and you think you screwed up everything.
And when you are in love is when you are sad
the most. (Please Vote)


What Emotion Dominates you?
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Suicide
Suicide! (and you know it, so... dont u have
something to do?)


Choose your Dramatic Death (Now w/pics!!)
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ski
You're Skittles!!! You have a very interesting
personality, you're so unique. You're the kind
of person who always thinks outside of the box.
You're also a very accepting individual, and
believe in inner beauty.


Which kind of candy are you?
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You are MARLIN!
What Finding Nemo Character are You?

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12:44am: welll....guess what??? i just told Ed that i liked him and im shaking and my heart is beating really fast and i wish Dana was awake so i could talk to her about it. what i expected to happen happened....my dreams didnt come tru and he didnt say he liked me back...just like all the other guyz i liked b4....seriously there must be something extremely wrong with me...i just want to kill myself, why did i even bother telling him??? nothing came from it and no matter what was said, things are going to be weird in the next 8 days w/ me sitting next to him all those days and all....that just goes to show how stupid i am. at least he wasnt like zack last year and told me he only liked skinny girls with straight hair.
now im even more thankful that im going to c my shrink cause im going to be depressed for a while again...w/e, thats my life right...i just wish it would end soon, too bad im a wimp and dont have the nerves to kill myself. mayb if i turned bolimic or anorexic guyz would start liking me back.....too bad im sooooo fucking dedicated to evrything i DO have like school family and friends....i wish i wasnt, so i wouldnt fell so guilty about writting these stuff down....im think im gonna give up on guyz completely since nothing good has ever come from them.....its not like i am ever going to get married at this rate anywayz.....c according to my parents i should already be seriously dating someone considering the fact that my mother was only 2 years older then i am now when she married my dad....w/e....maaybe if i was still in brazil things wouldnt be as bad as they are now....mayb there i would be skinnier, my parents would be off my back more and guyz would actually like me.....anywayz, if u are wandering about my conversation w/ ed here it is....

SwEetTaTi89: hey...i know u are on ur cell and all but i REALLY need to talk to u...its really important but if u want u can also check on my live journal to read what i have to tell u (the link is in my profile).

mreeed21: wut is it
SwEetTaTi89: u gotta promisse u r not gonna be all weird bout it in school cause im not usually like this and this is really hard for me to say

mreeed21: ok
SwEetTaTi89: i know we havnt known each other that long and i dont expect u to feel the same about me or feel pressured to do anything about it but i think u r really and nice and cute and i like u

mreeed21: i dont really know wut to say but u dont have to have worry i wont act different in school and is that y kari wanted my number
SwEetTaTi89: ya...i didnt have the nerves to say anyhting so she was gonna talk to u but i dont know how i did it.....all i can tell u is that im shaking really bad right now....lol

mreeed21: dont worry about it i can hardly see wut im typing
SwEetTaTi89: what do u mean?? r u at the movies or something??

mreeed21: no i was sleeping
SwEetTaTi89: SORRY....i couldnt fall asleep and u were online....i feel really bad now...i'll just talk to u later ok? go back to sleep...

mreeed21: lol its no big deal
SwEetTaTi89: ok....i'll talk to u later...

well...im gonna try to sleep now and mayb if G-d is good enough to me he will let me die a peaceful death w/o pain tonight.....
12:00am: Today me, kari, and Megan went to Dana's house to work on our yerbook project and we had fun cause i love being with them...they r amazing friends but i dont know why I was feeling a little depressed. Its just that Kari has her boyfriends and the three of them are all so pretty and skinny i just feel like the black sheep of the group sometimes. Talking about boyfriends.... I kind of like someone, Ed, he's my lab partner now and i think he is really sweet and nice and cute....im trying not to make a big deal out of it cause i have so much bad shit in my life that i'll probably get hurt cause he won't like me...thank G-d I get to see my shrink this week...i was really looking foward to seeing him last week but he didnt call me in....maybe he'll give me some good advice on what to do about Ed....I also got in a fight w/ my mom today cause i dont even  know why and i was crying and i really felt like cutting myself but i didnt cause i cut myself in Brazil like four times and everytime im in the same room as my parents or Dana I'm worried they are going to see the cuts and i dont know what to say....so i decided not to because summer is coming up and im gonna want to wear shorts....well right now im trying to get the nerves to tell Ed i like him but im scared...im scared of getting hurt and im scared of whats gonna happen in school since we sit right next to each other...but i got to do it or im going to regret it later....Dana if u read this please dont be mad i didnt tell u about cutting myself....i didnt have the nerves to...especially after we were arguing about it....IM REALLY SRY AND I REALLY REGRET DOING IT....</strong></font></p>
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